Embrace The Journey

two white swan on body of water
Photo by Wolfgang Hasselmann on Unsplash

Happy Anniversary

My wife and I got married twice.

Not because we broke up and got back together, but because we had our first ceremony in Buenos Aires (where most of her family reside) and then the second ceremony with my family in the Chicago area.

Yesterday marked 22 years (Argentina wedding).

For better or worse, Caro and I usually do not make a big deal about our anniversary. In our eyes, this does not diminish the importance of the milestone. We just don’t feel the need to follow social conventions if it feels forced. A simple yet special dinner with the family can be just as lovely. Now that the kids are older, we sometimes enjoy a rare date night or plan a short trip for two to a destination we’ve not experienced before. The focus is on creating memories through experiences rather than exchanging material gifts.

When it comes to cards, she prefers a thoughtful hand-written note over the generic Hallmark card. I’ve not always been good with the notes. This year, though, I wrote something…a not-really-a-poem poem titled “Beauty in Imperfection.”

Beauty in Imperfection

Twists & turns we could not know.
Those little moments of both joy and sorrow.
This is what we walk together.
And while we always want to strive for better,
I look back and wouldn’t change a thing.

— me

Happy Anniversary, Mi Amor.

The Stories We Tell

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

We are all story-tellers, whether we realize it or not.

Everything we experience and how we perceive the world around us is given meaning by the context we create. We are naturally wired to find meaning, weaving disparate elements into a tapestry of our version of reality.

Double-Edge Sword

They say that a tool is only as good as the skill of the person who wields it. And so it is with the power of perception. What I see and do isn’t inherently good or bad. It’s the meaning that I assign to it which makes it so. When I pay close attention to my ongoing internal dialogue, I can see patterns. I notice the subconscious ties I make to connect the dots and create a bigger picture that provides the context for why certain things are happening.

It’s only when I pause to question my story that I remember that I actually own the plot. Funny how I sometimes focus on the negative details rather the hopeful, especially since that part is up to me,

Being mindful of the stories I tell has helped me appreciate the important role I play as the author of my own life.

Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash

The Benefit of Having Range

1920x1280 Featured Image for Article - The Benefit of Having Range

A More Beautiful Blossom Later in Life

Think of this as a hybrid book review along with some personal take-aways.

Early this morning, I finished “Range: Why Generalists Triumph in a Specialized World” by David Epstein. Weaving thorough research with compelling story-telling, the second book by Epstein drew me in almost as much as “The 7 Habits…” by Covey in the late ’80s. Like Covey’s timeless bestseller, it came to me at the right time.

Late to the Game?

You see, I turned 50 last September. Throughout my 30’s, I really felt like I was behind in life. While most of my college friends had already settled into relatively successful and stable careers, I was just getting started with a drastic career change after spending most of my 20’s in Japan.

Because I’ve chosen to follow a nonlinear career path, I have often felt insecure about my success, or lack thereof. Although I’ve gotten over it, for the most part, the comparison game still gets to me sometimes. Reassuringly, one of Epstein’s parting notes were:

“Compare yourself to yourself yesterday, not to younger people who aren’t you. Everyone progresses at a different rate, so don’t let anyone else make you feel behind. You probably don’t even know where exactly you’re going, so feeling behind doesn’t help.”
 — David Epstein, Range (2019)

Whether or not that last sentence is reassuring, I get it’s debatable. When I admit to myself that, at 50 years old, I’m still not really sure where exactly I’m going…shame comes to mind. I’m learning that’s the result of many years of social conditioning.

10,000-hours vs. The Sports Gene

And that’s one of the important questions posed by Epstein. When Malcolm Gladwell popularized the 10,000-hour rule, everyone seemed to jump on the wagon (I know I did) and really push for the head start in some sort of specialization. For example, start really young with violin lessons and then dedicate 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to achieve extraordinary expertise.

The Sports Gene, which was Epstein’s first bestselling book, proposed a twist. Then in Range, he expands on the importance of early life experimentation–or what I like to call dabbling–before diving deep into some area of specialization. That’s not to say that early specialization isn’t good. It’s just not the only way to create an extraordinary life. Famous examples of late blossoms include Van Gogh and Julia Child.

I agree with Epstein when he says the world needs both…Specialists and Generalists working together.

My Take-Aways

I acknowledge that I like reading anything that supports my decisions, even if those decisions happen to be wrong! So I’ll keep that in check. That said, here are a few key thoughts I’ll continue exploring:

  • Don’t feel behind. Success in life, or any endeavor, should not be defined by early and immediate accomplishment. Some of the best things (and people) take time to bloom.
  • Don’t feel guilty about experimenting with your various interests. Especially if your interests seem totally unrelated and don’t appear to create anything of value as deemed by others. Some of the most meaningful and influential discoveries (e.g the effective treatment for HIV) in history have come as a result of someone’s tinkering with something that, at that moment, seemed utterly useless and a waste of time.
  • Keep yourself in check when you subconsciously start comparing yourself to others. It’s not healthy. You become unnecessarily anxious. Truly successful people don’t really give a shit. You already know this.

I gave Range a 5-star rating in the Goodreads app. Even if it doesn’t connect with you as strongly, I’m confident you’ll still agree it’s a worthwhile read. At the very least, it will round out your view of the 10,000-hour rule. Highly recommended for those of you who consider yourself Dabblers.


*Originally published for the Dabbler publication on Medium